How to be the worst people in the world aka my neighbours

Disclaimer – This post is a bit ranty.

I was raised in a lovely, little village. It was quiet, peaceful and our house was detached. It was a haven of tranquility.

These days I live in a town… not a big one, not a particularly busy one, but definitely a town. It’s different from the village life that I aspire to go back one day when I learn how to cr*p money and can afford a nice house.

I don’t know whether it’s the fact that I am closer to them or surrounded by more of them but since I moved to a town, I have realised that most people are insufferable d*cks. Here is a list of things my neighbours do that piss me off and things you shouldn’t do if you want to be a decent human being.

1) Park like a f*cking selfish tw*t. The world does NOT revolve around you. Are you so lazy that you would rather park in such a way that it makes it difficult for others to get by, both in a car and on foot, just so you don’t have to walk the 30 metres from your parking spot to your door? I f*cking hate you.

2) Slam the doors. My house is f*cking attached to yours. Your doors have f*cking handles. DO NOT just pull them shut like some kind of neanderthal so hard that it shakes the walls and doors. What is wrong with you?!

3) Let the dog bark all f*cking day and sometimes, even into the night. Deal with your responsibilities. That dog either needs training or attending to and that is your duty as their owner you irresponsible f*ckwit. Also, when you walk it down the middle of the road put it on a goddamn lead. Honestly, you deserve to have that beautiful German Shepherd floof face taken off you.

4) Leave the kids unattended. Firstly, it’s dangerous to let them run around in the road well out of sight of your house. Secondly, it’s not my job to discipline your kid. I don’t want your screeching offspring staring into my garden so don’t get huffy if I have to tell them politely but firmly to stop because you won’t.

5) Make noise outside at an unsociable hour. Talking loudly while having breakfast outside at 7am on a Saturday? F*ck you. Having a bbq which goes on until 3am and not moving your drunken mates inside at a reasonable hour? F*ck you. Banging around unnecessarily loudly in your shed at 5am to get your bike out? F*CK YOU.

I am sure I am not the perfect neighbour but I try to be respectful. Maybe village life has just given me high standards or has just made me accutely notice the fact that not everyone is considerate or self aware. 

I just hate the way that modern society seems to have gone. Everyone is so selfish. Not to be a martyr but I was raised to bring my neighbours bins in, to keep an eye on their house when they went away on holiday, to check in on them when they’re ill or are elderly. It frustrates the sh*t out me when I see such inconsiderate behaviour.

Ok, rant over. Sorry about that. I hope none of you have to deal with this kinda stuff and roll on my return to village life!

2 thoughts on “How to be the worst people in the world aka my neighbours

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