My boyfriend and I recently reached our second anniversary and we celebrated in the usual way. Cards, flowers, wine, spending all weekend together playing South Park: The Stick of Truth. It was a lot of fun.
It’s not always sunshine and lollipops though. Sometimes my boyfriend annoys the absolute cr*p out of me. Sometimes he makes me see red with rage. Sometimes I have to silently count to ten in my head to stop myself from launching a packet of frozen scampi at his head (ok, that did actually happen but just one time, the other time it was some frozen chips). But ultimately, I love him and I wouldn’t want to be without him. I am lucky to have him and we are lucky to have what we share together.
I spent a little time thinking about my romantic past and dating really is a minefield. I have had my fair share of disasters and I though it might be fun to share some of them with you and really, remind myself how pleased I am to be done with that whole scene.
Bachelor Number One) This guy had so much potential. Intelligent. Funny. Cute in a geek chic kinda way. I was psyched to be going out with him but I get there and the guy is absolutely sh*tfaced. It’s 3 o clock in the afternoon. He spends pretty much all of the date apologising for the state he is in and staring at my chest. After not too long, I think “F*ck this” and make my excuses to leave. But then, he starts to cry and not just little, silent tears… but full on wailing. He begs me not to go and asks me if I want to meet his cats (if that’s not a serial killer line I don’t know what is). Shockingly, I declined. NEXT.
Bachelor Number Two) This guy seemed so great. We actually went on 4 or 5 dates before he let his crazy shine on through. On our final date he asked if I wanted to hear something funny. I said “Sure, I love a good joke”. Turns out, his idea of “funny” was that he was supposed to get married that day but had called off the ceremony three weeks before, not long before we started dating. Talk about baggage. NEXT.
Bachelor Number Three) Third times a charm… NOT. This guy talked about his ex-girlfriend the whole date. He told me all about how he moved her in after a month of dating only to kick her out after three more because he got bored of her (how lovely). Stunned by this I just said “Wow, that’s wild.” He proudly agreed and then said he wanted to top it, to be even wilder, so he got down on one knee and PROPOSED to me in the middle of the cocktail bar we were in. I must’ve looked horrified because he was quick to jump up and say “Kidding!” But I noped the f*ck out of there faster than any human being had ever noped out of anything before.
I am positive that dating can be fun but it was never fun for me. Loonies seemed to gravitate towards me. People tell me it’s because I’m too nice and give people a chance when others would’ve sent them packing a long time ago.
If you’re currently dating or have experienced your own fair share of crazies, then take comfort in the fact you’re not alone. You have time yet find a sane person who is everything you want and need. I did. And, babe, if you’re reading this… PLEASE don’t ever leave me.